“The roots of our morality lie in empathy…”Hendrick Skolimovsky
Yesterday I was privileged to be able to address an amazing support group called Compassionate Friends. It is specifically for parents of deceased children and was set up, and is organised by, a couple whose daughter died in her teens. It is often said that losing a child is more stressful than any other loss and that children are supposed to bury their parents, not the other way round. For those parents who have to experience this loss it is a hammer blow to the psyche that is completely overwhelming; many of them are completely unable to function. Compassionate Friends helps sort out the practical day to day -pay the bills and get the groceries – help but also has a team system which is as brilliant in its simplicity as it is in effectiveness.
Mourning is not an event so much as a process, sometimes a long one, which moves through different phases. When a person is locked into one of these they believe that it will last forever, like a dark tunnel with no end. It does of course end but knowledge, from a trusted source, of how it will end and what the next stage is likely to be is very helpful in dealing with the burden. At Compassionate Friends each member is tasked to support another member who is not as experienced; so a person whose child died ten years ago will help a couple whose loss was eight years past; they, in turn can help those who are only six years into the journey. In this way they share not only their experiences, which are extremely valuable in themselves, but also their compassion. By reaching out to another, even though we carry our own pain, we can find growth and solace in the most unexpected place.
When next you find yourself swamped by life’s foul ups flying at you from all four corners, pause and give a thought to those whose lives are not so blessed as your own. Better still do something to help them.
Namaste
Rod Briggs is an International Lecturer in the Mind Sciences. He has taught government departments, universities, Olympians and peak achievers in the corporate and private sectors from all over the world. He spends half the year in Europe and the USA on lecture tours but resides on the Dolphin Coast. Contact the Mindlink Foundation for one on one or group Stress Management Therapy or get Rod Briggs’ new book Simple as Breathing at www.mindlinkfoundation.com
Yesterday I was privileged to be able to address an amazing support group called Compassionate Friends. It is specifically for parents of deceased children and was set up, and is organised by, a couple whose daughter died in her teens. It is often said that losing a child is more stressful than any other loss and that children are supposed to bury their parents, not the other way round. For those parents who have to experience this loss it is a hammer blow to the psyche that is completely overwhelming; many of them are completely unable to function. Compassionate Friends helps sort out the practical day to day -pay the bills and get the groceries – help but also has a team system which is as brilliant in its simplicity as it is in effectiveness.
Mourning is not an event so much as a process, sometimes a long one, which moves through different phases. When a person is locked into one of these they believe that it will last forever, like a dark tunnel with no end. It does of course end but knowledge, from a trusted source, of how it will end and what the next stage is likely to be is very helpful in dealing with the burden. At Compassionate Friends each member is tasked to support another member who is not as experienced; so a person whose child died ten years ago will help a couple whose loss was eight years past; they, in turn can help those who are only six years into the journey. In this way they share not only their experiences, which are extremely valuable in themselves, but also their compassion. By reaching out to another, even though we carry our own pain, we can find growth and solace in the most unexpected place.
When next you find yourself swamped by life’s foul ups flying at you from all four corners, pause and give a thought to those whose lives are not so blessed as your own. Better still do something to help them.
Namaste
Rod Briggs is an International Lecturer in the Mind Sciences. He has taught government departments, universities, Olympians and peak achievers in the corporate and private sectors from all over the world. He spends half the year in Europe and the USA on lecture tours but resides on the Dolphin Coast. Contact the Mindlink Foundation for one on one or group Stress Management Therapy or get Rod Briggs’ new book Simple as Breathing at www.mindlinkfoundation.com